School Blues..

I’m in my final year of secondary and things are beginning to get very serious and very stressful. We all know that in times of hardship we have to try and keep our head up high and not sink beneath the waves. However, it’s easier said than done. It’s like none of my teachers help!!! All they do is pile on more and more homework expecting me to do it in the two days I have to relax…And so the waves get higher and like all other 15/16 year olds, we are drowning ourselves in problems and stress.

In recent news we’ve seen that grade boundaries have gone up, meaning much more is expected of our generation! We have to grow up yet still be kids for the comfort ability of “adults”? I’m failing to understand how this works and the pressure is on for me to know how NOW!

In all of this you can lose yourself, lose direction and lose hope.

 I’ve noticed my attitude is sinking deeper into negativity and I sometimes don’t realise how hard it is stay positive. For instance, maths is not my best friend, nor my associate; we can litro call maths my enemy! But putting myself down about it isn’t going to help! All I’m doing is sinking deeper and deeper while everyone else seems to be walking on water.

Valleys

There will always be darkness. It's our decision whether we find peace within.

I've come to a stage where I've been stifling the sounds of my anger, anxiety and all other repressed issues that can no longer be bound and are screaming right in my face. I've lacked in energy, focus...EVERYTHING. I'm tired. After church on Sunday and a subtle but mind awakening talk with Cherelle, I realised that I don't have things under control that I have tricked myself in to thinking I did. These insecurities and issues had started to pour into things that are important to me; like the Shunammite Movement, family and work. I had so many blinding lights of negative voices, comparisons to others, lack of faith that then lead to my decreasing productivity; and I refused to see the signs. I've realised that when you find yourself in a hole; you must stop digging. 

Believe them the FIRST time!

      

I learnt to do this the hard way. I didn't pay attention to the signs that were shown to me from the very beginning. You’re probably wondering what I’m talking about. My ex, who didn't treat me well. You see I should’ve known that when a guy doesn't call as often as you call him or barely takes you out to lush restaurants, bars or on dates in general, it’s probably not going anywhere regardless of what he says. His actions or rather lack of them, are probably never going to change.

Don’t get me wrong, yes, some people do change, but how long will it take for that change to come around? I realised that he had already shown me his true colours from the start, however, the question is why was I shocked when he revealed himself year in year out? When would I start believing his character and realise the relationship was rubbish and he was taking me for a ride?